What burden peaks beneath my harden exterior. I gain much despair, and I'm starting to wonder if I ever really let myself cry yet. After the move, rearranging my life, and seeking to find me, I'm still not there. I'm still not at the place where I can start to heal.
I really have to feel it and cry it out, but my ego/pride tells me that I shouldn't. So much can misdirect my focus and I don't allow myself the time to focus on me.
Misdirections. They must stop.
I have to heal my soul. I must have the courage to feel the pain so that I can be better from now on. I need to alleviate the anxiety I have trying to anticipate pain for the lack of love I feel; I must let go. I must feel love for myself again.
I know it's within me to feel good about the world, about myself, and be assured. Despite having no job, no money, no permanent home, and no lover, I still have family, close friends, love, shelter, security, life, a career to look forward to, a future soul mate that is still somewhere out there, and future stability in myself and my life that I know will be there.
It's still there...I just have to heal myself and remind myself that love can really strengthen a person's soul.
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