So I'm finally having some resolution with the woman I'm sure that I'm meant to be with (Maribel), however, its interesting because knowing her, she's still in the early years of lesbianhood (its like childhood, except the lesbian version...which the dating usually starts at the average of 21 y/o...). I know things are bound to change drastically, but I am confident that with the days that I am patient, I am hoping to resolve some of my stuff too.
Which brings me to the ghosts of girlfriends past. Well, of all my girlfriends, while in High School: Tabatha and Penni - they were girlfriends back when the internet dating scene was looked down upon, and knowing that I wouldn't be able to travel being underage, it didn't seem likely that I'd ever meet them. However, I actually still talk to them; but oddly enough, only as friends because I was just in young flings, without any seriousity taken for it. Thus, those relationships never really counted.
For college, Judy, Stephanie and Letty, I didn't actually have a real bonafide lesbian relationship. It was basically non-existent with the consideration that two would never account to having a relationship and one is already married so it didn't count either, which kinda sucks because I spent my days as an open lesbian, but as a closeted girlfriend for many of those times. It wasn't until two-three years ago did I actually have my first real lesbian relationship.
The last one of exes from college was Crystal. We did have a short-spanned relationship, but it did end up being something real, besides the drama that happened in the end (that's for another story...). Its funny cause it actually took me awhile to remember her name, and reaquainting myself with her so I could find some answers for myself while I'm in this waiting process with Maribel. I decided to talk to Crystal because one time she actually wanted peace between us, despite her factions of "playing the game" when I was in a relationship with her. She was actually the first of my girlfriends to actually be a lesbian, so technically I've been in one bonafide lesbian relationship and Maribel being the second.
Point is, I admit that there were lingering feelings, but now it just feels like there's a need for some answers to questions of my past. I want things to work out between Maribel and me, but I gotta work hard to find the answers in my life.
Can I find these answers delving into my past? Will I end up clearing the past and tie up all the loose ends? Or will I end up breaking hearts, causing drama, or losing the one person I truly want to be with?
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