 | 9:44 AM - AM I DOOMED TO BE SINGLE? Am I doomed for all eternity to be single?
Or am I just cursed with short and unsuccessful relationships?
I'm smart...
I can cook (even from scratch)....
I am fairly neat...
I play various instruments...
I can sing (a little bit... or more, when I am inspired to...)....
I know how to dance...
I can teach others to dance (just in case my "one and only" [if I had one] would like learn...)...
I'm can be humorous at times....
very kind always...
especially honest...
polite...
well-mannered...
artistic...
somewhat political...
crafty...
well-rounded...
happy-go-lucky...
laid back...
sexy...
attractive...
clean-cut...
athletic...
have an extremely high libido, but loyal to "my person" [again, if I had that person...]....
a helpless romantic...
a good kisser ;)...
committed (if they were willing to go that far...)...
THUS, I can also be unattached if that were case...
I am open to new things....
I can respect anything differences "my girlfriend" would have...
I can seize the day or just bask in its passing...
I know how to have fun...
I can compromise, but still make a stand in what I believe in...
I can take things slow...
I can make "my loved one" smile if she were sad or upset...
I know how to give space and yield on things in the relationship when "she" would need the time...
I am not too butchy AND I can be femme (not to an extreme, though) at times...
I am not controlling, unless needed ;) AND I can be submissive ;)...
I know how to listen...
I can give advice when or if "she" would need it...
I can be decisive...
I am trustworthy...
I can be very adaptable to things and ways of life....
AND ESPECIALLY do I love with ALL MY HEART!!
Now,...with all of that said (and there may be even more to say....), how could I not be lucky in love?
I have searched and throughout my past experience...many are not even interested in getting to know me?
All I have been said to be is "cool..."
Am I really THAT annoying?
I know that it may have been in the past and even now that I have been pretty hyper at times, but think about it, couldn't all that energy go into something more "useful" ;) ??
AND I can seem weird when I am jumpy or hyper....BUT, if you were a past girlfriend or one of my closest friends, you would know who I really am (only seven who are friends really "know" me...none from Lemoore, unfortunately :( .....and those who want to get to know me....there's no harm in asking or make an effort to....Plus, I would like to get to know more about my friends from Lemoore too...and don't worry, I am trying to make up for the time I lost in High School with my friends, especially with those back home in LEMOORE...)...
Believe me, I do not think anyone has complained....
SO WHY am I trapped now in Singleville?
I basically have everything to give...I swear, if I were a guy, I probably would have had many dates in the past....but, thats not the point...
Why hasn't anyone come to me?
Out of all the people I have met (all the single lesbian, bi, bi-curious, queer, or straight women out there)....why hasn't anyone wanted to at least try to see what it's like to be with me?
Is it me?
I mean in most of my past relationships (5 out of the 7 women), I am still friends with...not necessarily close friends, but enough to know that I can still talk to them every once and a while without any resentment...
In all of my relationships, we each ended only because we had differences or because long-distance had been a problem and thought it best that we just be friends...
I do, however, HAVE HAD my flaws....
I have cheated in the past...NOT because of sex or kissing...but because when I started to have feelings for other people. However, I NEVER EVER have reacted on those feelings. When I was with those ex-girlfriends I felt guilty and told, in honesty, those realtionships (.2 and .3 of the 7) when I started to have those feelings for others...there were no upsets, but I, myself, had to break it off for the guilt that I felt...those two women are still both my friends...
JUST TO LET EVERYONE KNOW....I DO NOT "CHEAT (with my feelings)" ANYMORE!!! (again, I NEVER EVER cheated or will cheat by SEX or KISSING or anything else...I keep to one person when it comes down to that...)
The reason for that is because after telling my past in full honesty to my most recent past relationship, I had ended up with great feelings for that one woman. She understood me and she had seemed to be the perfect person with such a personality that I had fallen for. After she told me that she did not want to be with me anymore, I had ended up hurt, but understanding of our differences (and it couldn't work out for her because she was concerned about the distance as well...usually that doesn't concern me). After that, I also promised myself that from now on, I would try to abolish any flaws and find that "special person" with the dedication and commitment that I am willing to take on. (If you were wondering about the 1st, 4th, 5th, 6th and even in the 7th relationships, they were ended because of long distance and/or differences...never have I cheated during those relationships...)
SO now, that my past is revealed, I have nothing left to gain except the love another. I would like to have a relationship....but I will be patient...I just hope the wait IS NOT for an eternity...
If you believe that anything I have said is biased or even if you have anything to say about this blog...send me a msg, email me (Ffonseca_02@hotmail.com), or write a comment...I will make sure to clarify, thank and/or respect opinions, questions, and/or concerns. If you are willing to take on a relationship with me, then please do write to me.
I hope that I can find that person....for my heart aches with sadness that I have only half a heart. Where is my other half? |
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