My Soul Connection with Maribel

Yes, I know....I messed up...
I finally have that chance to talk to her...and then she finds out like this...by blog...
I didn't realize that my heart can't hide from hers...
And I never realized that my soul is in perfect tune with hers...

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I finally got to talk to and be happy with Maribel. It was a bit hazy, but it was set in the future and she was telling me about knowing something. I don't remember the words, but the way I felt was soo assured and loved and soo happy and it was being with her, that I knew when I woke up that there was much more to be done before I can speak to her again...I just didn't expect to talk to her so soon...

I did have this feeling and knowing that she was still feeling for me, but in my clouded impatience and misjudgement, I decided to tune out that part of my soul and go with my old habits...
In all my years, I could have had a wonderful relationship without the works of the usual calamity, but I ended up having that happen with what I did...Yes, my mistakes must pay for the harder efforts I must learn. Had I been more confident and worked to keep my patience, I would probably have Maribel still calling me into the late hours of the night, telling me goodnight before she sleeps, telling me good morning the next day and us both trying to call/text each other every single free moment we have...
I remember having that...Now, it seems to be a work of harder efforts...

I have to trust my better judgement and my soul...I must learn. Maribel, believe me, I am learning to self-love, grow, and become that better woman for myself and for you. I can't change the past, and I know it hurts right now, but I will still be here for you, loving you.

(She doesn't know this, but my soul is forever connected with hers...and I've even tried telling her...If I tune in well, I know where her feelings are...and that being said, I will stop trying to tune out any longer...I'm going to focus on my lighter, higher vibrations and become the being I'm meant to be so that I can show her what I mean...)

When I met her and her soul, our souls connected, and that connection led to what changed me...As I went along in my relationship with her, I was afraid to admit that my soul is where it should be, so in all of my fear, I subconsciously sabatoged it, forming my old habits of pushing away the love I knew was there...at the second turn, my impatience (another old habit) caused her to push even further away by my constant badgering and foolishness, and then now, with my lowest points of self-loathing (back when I used to use my sexuality to coerce myself to seek out love in the worst of places), I did it to worsen and break down any trust I still had from Maribel.

So now this is where I am...
I will wait till her soul finds its way back next to mine...I know it will be a much longer time, but I'm not giving up...
I can feel that her soul is meant to be with me...I can feel that warmth and glow in my heart, my soul emanates towards her and I know her soul has reached out for me too...its just right now I know she deflects it with her sheild...but when the time comes, I'll know what I should be feeling.

I'm not giving up Maribel. I LOVE YOU.